emotional neglect REALLY sucks
Long story short: my first serious relationship was in high school, dating a boy who was emotionally unavailable. We would continue dating on and off for another TEN YEARS before I went to therapy and gained some goddamn self-respect. His emotional unavailability hadn't moved a single centimeter by his late 20s, and I was done waiting.
But the effects aren't as easy to ditch. They're long-lasting. My brain is conditioned to scan for signs that people don't really care about me, that they're on their way out, or that they're taking advantage of me.
It sucks because my brain is just trying to protect me from known dangers and pain I've experienced so many times before, but it can sometimes incorrectly flag a situation, which can be a problem.
I'm working on it and I recognize it faster now. But it still sucks. I guess when parents say who you date in high school and your 20s is important, maybe there's something to that. I wish I hadn't allowed my formative adult years to be largely shaped by a distant, unavailable, jerk of a man. I wish I could've dated men who were kind and put in effort, but we just weren't right for each other. Hindsight is 20/20.