new year, new me (for real)
2020-2023 were extremely difficult years for me. Between the pandemic, struggling to build the home and work life that I desired, unexpectedly losing two loved ones, and a mass shooting at my work, I rang in the New Year on January 1, 2024 in utter anguish. Worn down, finally unable to get back up after so many devastating emotional blows. I didn't know how to properly process or heal, and the weight because too heavy to carry anymore. I wasn't sleeping well, having frequent nightmares, waking up drenched in sweat, having panic attacks during the day, in constant fight-or-flight mode. I couldn't outrun my trauma, but I didn't know how to face them. Until 2024.
In late December 2023, I knew I needed to start in-person therapy and get professional help learning how to navigate the state I was in. I'm happy to report that thanks to weekly, in-person therapy with a therapist who I love, 2024 has been the most transformational and healing year of my entire life. I began to heal childhood wounds, insecurities, emotional neglect, fear of communicating my needs, and much more. Therapy, self-reflecting, setting intentional (and different) goals for myself, and being much more settled in my home life and work life have all contributed to where I am today.
2025 better watch out because I'm mentally and emotionally healthier than ever. That means I'm not taking bullshit from others. I'm not saying "yes" all the time just to be polite, even though I don't really want to do it. I'm communicating my needs, wants, and boundaries. I'm pursuing activities and people that make me feel happy to be alive, and letting go of those that don't. I'm saying "no" more often in general. I'm holding my head higher. My shoulders have dropped. I'm walking with confidence knowing that I'm learning, growing, and doing my best.
I'm excited to continue this journey into 2025! Happy New Year!