on slowing down and practicing gratitude
I live in a city where the spaces that I enjoy most--a beautiful lake to birdwatch, a farmer's market, a forested mountain area--are a trafficless 30-minute drive from my house on a Saturday morning. I spend most Saturdays up there. And as I type that, it sounds fantastic.
But my brain's default setting is to feel like it's not good enough. "30 minutes away is too far. I should move closer. What's the housing market like over there? How much I could sell my house for right now? How much could my salary increase in the next couple years? I should get a 4-bedroom if I'm going to move, why waste the opportunity to upgrade house?"
And before you know it, the quest for "more" and "next" is in full swing.
My brain's default operating system is AnxietyOS and, while luckily manageable and in many cases advantageous, a disadvantage is that I can easily spiral into living in the future, completely ignoring the present. I wrote about this in a post called I drive slow on purpose.
I have to make a conscious and intentional effort to slow down and remind myself: a 30-minute drive to a beautiful area to spend your weekends with loved ones is the dream, love. Gas is cheap where I live. I have a reliable car. I don't live in an overpopulated metropolitan where traffic is a nightmare. The "problem" of living too far away is something I've constructed in my mind. It's not real.
I also have to make a conscious and intentional effort to remember when I wanted what I currently have.
- when I first moved to this city, I lived even further away from that area--it would've taken me 60 minutes to drive there
- before I moved to this city, I lived in a rural town surrounded by nothing but wheat fields for hundreds of miles. Back then, I would've jumped on the chance to live within just a 30-minute drive of the beautiful places I live near now
- and before I lived in that rural town, I was a college/graduate student who didn't have my life together in any way, shape, or form. Sure, I lived within walking distance of beautiful places, I was completely engulfed in lakes, mountains, and small-town vibes, but I also didn't have a stable life and constantly dreamed of being where I am today
That's not to say those previous chapters of my life were bad by any means. But I so quickly forget how great my life is now compared to even just a few years ago because I get caught up in "more" and "next."
It's okay to strive for the next goal and have dreams about the future. But I don't want my desire to reach the next goal to completely eclipse my recognition and gratitude for all the goals I've already reached.
So here's to slowing down and practicing gratitude.