when is it time?
A little over four years ago, I adopted my dog from the shelter. He was 7.5 years old at the time. He turns 12 this April.
I'm a problem-solver by nature, and thankfully we've been able to overcome several health issues over the years. Health issues with specific names:
- when he was diagnosed with kidney disease, I researched kidney diets for months, read The Forever Dog, and got him on several supplements. It worked and his labs are better than ever
- when he was diagnosed with chronic spinal disease, I got him on more supplements, built a ramp for the bed, and started giving him monthly Librela injections for the pain. It worked and he doesn't walk all stiff and hesitate to jump on the couch.
What isn't manageable is the dragon with no name: getting old. His body is just slowing down. Things aren't working the way they used to. He's a little more tired. A little less excited. There are now good days and bad days.
Problem-solving doesn't work with old age, and given that this is my first dog and I've historically struggled with anxiety, I'm proud of myself for not trying to keep him alive as long as possible, quality of life be damned. I know nobody lives forever. I know I can't solve time.
2-3 years ago towards the beginning of my experience as a dog owner, I wouldn't have been able to recognize that for several reasons (new to dog ownership, high anxiety). I feel like I've really matured in this area, just letting the painful thought of losing him be a painful thought instead of trying to fix it. I've accepted death as a natural part of life, despite how much I hate it. And acceptance isn't a helpless feeling, it's a feeling of: this is how it's supposed to be. Dogs get old and eventually their time comes to an end. That kind of ending, living a long happy life and passing naturally surrounded by love and care, is the best case scenario, despite how shitty it feels.
Right now, I think the good days still outnumber the bad days. But I do find that I'm asking myself "when is it time" more often than ever before. I have no idea when or how I'll know. I guess I'll figure it out as it comes.